H20 is the awesomest owie ointment

The best treatment for a booboo is running water. You can also wash the surrounding skin with soap, but not the wound itself (soap can damage injured tissues, and so can soup, actually).

What about the antiseptic juju in scientific looking brown bottles? Besides costing you money, they inflict more damage. Double booboo! Hiss!

• Benzalkonium chloride? Not as bad as other antiseptics, but soap neutralizes it. And if the best thing you can say about a thing is "not as damaging as others...," you might as well use water.
  
• Betadine? Better than iodine, but also slows down healing.
  
• Chlorhexidine? Not as bad as other antispetics, but high concentrations can increase inflammation.
  
• Hexachlorophene? Squashes enemy comabatants and civilians alike. Kills microbes and damages the skin.
  
• Hexylresorcinol? Kills them bugs awright, but friendly fire also damages the skin
• Hydrogen peroxide? Sorry, this one is bad for you, too. Damages the skin and slows healing. On the plus side, you get to use up the manly man Hello Kitty band-aid that you bought because they were on clearance.
  
• Iodine? Like your neighbor's chihuahua, it's irritating and also slows down healing.
  
• Mercurochrome? Tsk, tsk. Bad. See the "mercu-" in the name? That's why. Banned for a decade, so I'm not exactly sure why you would still have this. Dispose of it. But not down the toilet! Properly, please. Go to your nearest hazardous waste disposal center.
  
• Merthiolate? Another genius product with mercury.
• Mommy's kiss? Probably does nothing to your hurt spot, but devastating for your reputation as tough guy. 
• Povidone iodine? See betadine. Or let me just save you the effort. Also not good.
• Rubbing alcohol? Great for testing macho-hood and pain tolerance, but not so good for your hurties. It is indiscriminate about its killing. Microbes, skin cells, whatever. "Die! All Die!" sez the rubbing alcohol. It also dries out your skin and applies for subprime loans. However, cleaning needles and intact skin with it is OK.
• Spit? Uh, no. Good for other stuff, tho. Deserves its own blog article!
  

How about those antibiotic ointments? Bacitracin and neomycin could help with minor wounds, but some people are allergic to them.